Darkness is my Home
by OrangeTsundere
Summary: A glimpse into Rin's life. She enjoys being pent up in her room and being left alone. She's done that all Summer, but what happens to her when she has to go back to school? And new students arriving, as well... Not sure if it needs a T. It can get a little dark at times, though, so I guess... I'm not even sure if the genres fit. Oh well, I'll see... Rating and genres might change.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I apologize for another new story, when I have so many unfinished and unworked on, but my plot bunnies come and go on a whim. I can't control those… pests. Yes, I'll be nice and call them pests. This is kind of unlike my other stories, but, what the hell. Just give it a chance, at least. My inspiration flows along with my mood, so that's why I update at complete random. My mood is random, and therefore, my writing is too. Well, I'll stop boring you now. Read.**

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She sat alone in her room, sitting quietly on her gray-colored bed as she stared blankly at the first rays of light that rose up from the first place she could spot them, the fence that connected her backyard and her neighbors. Not that she cared. All she needed was her precious room, anyway. She shifted slightly, pale blue gaze still fixed on the light. Her face morphed into what could barely be called a scowl, with so little emotion, but still enough to be called one.

Light... What use did the pathetic world have for it? After all, it was much better to stay in a pitch-black room, perhaps with a Flashlight app for occasional needs. Though, she supposed all light wasn't bad. The moon wasn't. The stars weren't. But she liked Night. It was dark. Like her soul. At least, her conscious told her that.

It told her a lot of things. It could be nice, but mean, too. And at this moment, it was being mean. She tried to ignore that pesky voice inside her, the one that kept her up at night and made her want to watch those deep, painful sounding songs she loved, like Hatsune Miku's "Game of Life", Miki and KAITO's "Insanity", and Vanan'ice's "The Immoral Memory".

She scratched at her wrist with her dull, roughly bitten nails, and felt a strange jolt of pain. Looking down, she saw that she had broken the skin, and stared apathetically at it as she saw a single bead of blood surface. _About time,_ her conscious taunted her, and she almost felt its nonexistent eyes fixing her with a smirk. _You've been scratching for so long, because you're too cowardly to just cut and take in the pain you know you want. _

A visible frown on her face this time, she just continued staring at the red dot on her forearm. _I'm no coward… _she thought back, and her face relaxed to its normally blank expression. Her eyes were like frozen blue lakes, emotionless and pale. _It's just too visible, that's all. I'm fine with my scratching and biting; the marks always fade after a few minutes. _And, lifting up her usual left arm, she bit her wrist, and for a second the image of a hyena flashed in her mind. _Am I really my own predator? _A faint smirk on her face, she sank her teeth into the skin a bit longer before releasing her hold. She watched the deep mark left by her teeth, and stared at it until her skin recovered and it vanished from view.

Sighing, she looked at the calendar displayed right over her old black desk, staring with an almost apprehensive look at the date it was now… and the nearest Tuesday. On the 28th, her school would start… ah, pure hell.

What a close knit community of nincompoops they all were.

She would have to put on her "fake smile façade" and be her "ninja kitty loner" persona. Lovely. But, that was the price of the ending Summer Break, and a thirteen year-old girl like her had no choice but to accept it.

Walking slowly over to her computer, careful not to make any noise, she quickly logged in and gave what almost seemed like a smile to the big screen in front of her. She wanted to speak to her three best online friends a lot… maybe she would even show them a song she had written? Well, time to check if they were online.

Sadness flickered in her eyes as she realized that her closest friend was on a trip for a week. How would she get by without the usual venting to each other the two did? Well, she would have to try. **KamiRisu **wouldn't be very happy if her usual online chatting buddy broke down… at least, she almost hoped not. She had to be of use to her, somehow… right?

She checked her other two friends' profiles on the various sites she went on. **AkiNiKyu** was drawing some huntress on Livestream. She watched a few moments, then flicked to another site. She rarely found any joy in her online site jumping, and only when talking to her online buddies seemed to exhibit any excitement at all.

She checked her most likely all-time favorite site, a site for writers to gather. It was called "Separated-Dreams", and it was a good place to find things to read. Why it had such a name, she didn't know. And she didn't care. Seeing that her final friend option, **KuroTenshi**, was online, she decided to message her. After an all-too cheery and meaningless conversation, she told her that she was busy, needed to help her mom, and quit the chat.

Did she feel guilty for lying? No. Why should she? After all, she needed to go, anyway. So who cares what the reason? She was bored, and in her usual apathetic mind, that said a lot.

Hearing the birds start to chirp outside her window, she almost let out a snarl of disgust. Such simple, happy-go-lucky beings… oh, how she would love to just rip out their vocal cords. Burn their feathers to a crisp, and… well, she didn't need to go that far.

They had stopped, anyway.

She couldn't even recall what they had sounded like.

Her memory granted her that…

And so begins the story of Rin's existence.

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**Author's Note: I'd appreciate if you reviewed. Go ahead, be as harsh as you want. Flame. I'm not affected by such simple words spoken by rude people. I just want some critiques, about... writing style. The vocab I use. Is it too simple? Ah, whatever... I'll let you go on to your next story now. 'Cause I usually read every new one that appears on the page. Good way to learn new information... that I forget, anyway. **


	2. Chapter 2

Rin stared up at her brown ceiling, her eyes tracing the square-like pattern s above. Her mother had just shaken her awake, and she had tried her best to resist, digging into her sheets as she tried to capture anything remaining of the warmth that she had enveloped herself in the previous night.

After finally getting her to leave the room, Rin silently got dressed, shared a long, searching look with her cat's tiger-like eyes, and went to her closet to grab the new gray and bright pink shoes she had gotten for running. It's not like she had wanted to; she hated shopping. Except for games… that momentary lapse from reality was the perfection she could never hope to achieve in her pathetic life as a human.

After running a few minutes, filled with many one-sided conversations, she returned home, kicked off her shoes, and left to her room. "Rin!" Her mother called and she looked up to meet blueish hazel eyes. "I'm going to the store to run a few errands. You'll be okay while I'm gone, right?" Rin gave her a vague nod, pale blue eyes frosty.

"Yes," she muttered, and felt a flash of something. Emotion? Well, the only time she allowed herself this weakness was when listening to music; if talking forced her to express it too, she would rather not talk. Her mother left, and Rin sighed, viewing her music list with an empty expression. She clicked shuffle, and heard "The Immoral Memory" come on.

Almost at once, her face came to life. "…Seven Color Light… Vanan'ice… Hey, don't catch a cold… Are you ready, now?" she sang quietly, adding her own part to the song by following the text that flashed in the beginning of the video. As she heard Gakupo's voice come on with the first verse, she joined him in song, deepening her voice to match his. Smiling and singing, she allowed herself to be weak. It wasn't her fault that music affected her in such a way, after all.

She tried to match Kaito's more mechanical voice, and then Len's high, shota-like voice. She almost allowed herself to grin at this, but her conscious whispered to her again. _Now, now, don't get carried away. Don't become a pathetically soft cream puff like everyone else who acts all nice. Just be happy with whatever expression you have. _Her smile faltered at this, but she tried to bring up the sad smile again, almost enjoying how it felt.

After the song was over, she sighed, waiting for the next song. She had been plunged right into emotionlessness again; well, it was a normal thing now. The next song started, "The Rise and Fall of the Psychic Girl", and she smiled bitterly at the lyrics, not bothering to sing along. She heard footsteps outside her door and snarled, pausing her music and opening the white wall that separated her from the rest of the "family" she had in this household. Like usual… there was no one there. Rin gritted her teeth, closed the door, and slumped back into her chair. How messed up was she, exactly…?

_Extremely, _the voice purred, and she shivered as she felt phantom hands stroke equally false ears. She had no idea why she did this to herself; warp her imagination so much that she could imagine herself as anything, and _feel _through it. Like the black cat ears she imagined on her head or the tail she had accidently just sat on. Squeaking in pain, she pulled it out from under her, actually feeling the soft fur in her palm. _Messed-up, extremely messed up. Weirdo. No wonder no one likes you. _The voice laughed, and she covered her ears. "…Stop…" she cried out, and silence bit into her. It was almost… lonely.

_See? You need me. _"I don't." Rin murmured, sliding her pale blue eyes up to the white screen that awaited her. She checked her e-mail quickly and her heart sank, knowing that **KamiRisu** wouldn't be there. "…Please come back soon… You help me so much…" she cried weakly, staring with an anguished expression at her chat list. Sighing, she clicked on the 'Past Chats' link on the page, and quietly read through their past conversations.

She gave a dry laugh; would it even count as a laugh? It felt more like a harsh exhale, or even a choking breath. They sometimes made such poetry in those chats, while discussing the world. How… amusing. Helping their souls through _poetry._

Tilting her head to one side, she cursed at the sounds of construction coming from her backyard. Could she never be in peace, completely isolated? Why couldn't windows be soundproof? She glanced around the room, feeling a faint flash of contentment swim through her. This was _her _room. No one could take it away from her… at least she hoped not. Breathing in the faint, minty scent of the air, she took time to give each possession of hers that was displayed a good, long look. They all helped her…

Standing up, she walked over to the small shelf where she kept her Pokémon figures. She eyed them, almost as if telling them to come to her, instead of the other way around. She picked up an angry-looking Pikachu the size of her palm, gently crooning to it as she stroked its plastic surface. Holding it close to her cheek, she shivered at how cold it was, unlike her currently warm skin. Well, mostly warm. She put her hands on her right cheek, feeling the cold chill her. Not that she cared; in her abyss of nothing, warm and cold were merely annoyances to think about.

"Nothing…" she breathed out, and let out a hollow chuckle. She liked the way the word felt on her tongue. Her stomach rumbled suddenly, and she snarled at it for interrupting her. It was trying to force her to leave the comfort of her perfect room. It growled back at her, and she hissed like a cat at it in response, but soon sighed, getting up.

Glancing back at her screen, she saw with an almost happy grin that **KuroTenshi **had logged on. Typing a quick reply, she smiled faintly. She was so glad she had her internet friends to vent to… she wouldn't make it without them, really.

They were like Guardian Angels…

That protected her sanity.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: All the Vocaloids in this story have been changed to age 13. **

Rin, as soon as she arrived home, ran into her room. Holding her cold fingers to her unusually warm cheeks, she let out a shuddering breath. The first day of her school, for Vocaloids… and she couldn't say that she had enjoyed it very much. Why did everyone have to be so outgoing? The only time of the day she was left alone, she reflected, was at recess, where she could sit and draw with one of her real friends, Miki. The redhead was quite rambunctious, but nonetheless, Rin enjoyed their simple chatter.

Some of the other Vocaloids, though, were much more annoying. Gossip and flirting weaved through the people that milled around her. Another friend of hers, Gumi, hugged her as soon as she saw her. The contact was distressing, but she accepted it. She had no need to shy away from her true friends.

People mixed up acquaintance and friend much too easily. Friends are those who you can talk to any time, share laughs with, and talk to without fear. But the acquaintances in her class… She wrinkled her nose. They had no right to talk to her as if she was a friend, _hug_ her… She only wished Yuki got that. That girl constantly insisted on hugging her, and the closeness nearly suffocated Rin every time. Her bow drooped as she struggled to breathe, her eyes wide with panic.

She honestly wondered whether she should try to be more welcoming to her classmates… but then dismissed the idea with an empty scoff.

They should simply get the hint and leave her alone, that's all.

Hissing as a shiver wound its way down her back, she subconsciously found herself getting up off her black office chair and walking over to the wide window that stretched across the far side of her room. Moving aside the curtains with one brush of her hand, she stared dully down at the darkening ground, almost transfixed by the waving blades of grass.

_I wonder what will happen if I jump… _she thought emptily, no trace of emotion on her naturally pale face. She slowly, lazily washed her gaze across the garden. _A few broken bones at the least… _She felt a strange yearning toward that path on the ground…

Then, she seemed to snap out of the daze, and backed away, shuddering. A faint emotion that looked almost like fear swept through her deep blue eyes, and she felt her chest tighten. Feeling her lungs swell with terror, she gasped and tried to inhale more air, the life-giving oxygen swirling around her as she tried to slow her quick heartbeat.

Ha. How amusing. First her mind wanted her to die, and then wanted to strain for life. What a fickle being she was.

Slowly she made her way back to her chair, swaying from side to side. Pulling up her sleeves, she raked her nails across pale peach skin, watching blankly as pink, almost red lines appeared to mark it. Feeling a prickling, burning sensation sweep through the limb, she smirked, and let out a hollow laugh. Yes. This always calmed her urges… she could calm down about that window incident now.

Humming, she turned on her computer, immediately checking her Email. Seeing a good eighteen messages about new chapters to stories show up, she let a faint smile drift across her face. And **KamiRisu** was also online. As was **KuroTenshi**…

Her face dropped as she noticed that **KamiRisu** had logged off. Just wonderful. Then, her eyes flicked to her other contact.

They didn't really talk enough… Clicking on **KuroTenshi**'s name link, she opened up the chat sidebar. "Hey, are you there?" she muttered aloud as she typed, eyes dancing with an almost happy light. Seeing her friend respond, she smiled; a genuine smile.

Ah, how nice it was to have an actual smile. Her façade made up too much of her grins…

Hearing her door creak open, she quickly minimized the page and whirled around in her chair, that momentary happiness gone. Her mom stood in the doorway, a bright smile on her face. Giving her a careless smile in return, Rin let out a seemingly happy purr. "Yes, mama?"

Her façade was all too convincing, even for herself… these phantom emotions she created annoyed her and confused her. And she _hated_ being confused. It was like not knowing something.

"Do you want any food?" her mother asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Fruit." Was the blunt reply. For Rin, the static in the air was already too much. Just the other human's presence invading her personal bubble... it was hard to breathe.

"Anything else?" her mother pressed, and glanced at her curiously. Like she was trying to uncover something.

Ha. Fat chance of that.

"No, thank you," Rin hissed, a forced politeness mixing with her tone. Her mom nodded and shut the door, leaving the girl alone once more.

Sighing, Rin took out two clips from her desk's drawers; one a plain one, the other adorned with an orange ladybug. Snapping them into her hair, she smiled as the icy coldness of their metal touched her scalp.

Leaping into her bed, she curled up, closing her eyes. What a lovely, lovely world she lived in sometimes… her own world, one of pure emptiness and freedom…

Her own freedom.

If she ever had any other "freedom", like being forced outside on a warm day…

Well, she'd rather have wings.


	4. Chapter 4

Rin lay in her bed, staring blankly at the fuzzy darkness that engulfed her. Glancing at the clock, she noted that it was almost three in the morning, then dismissed it. After all, she had stayed up until eight in the morning before, and she was fine. Holding up a dim Kindle Fire in front of her, her dark eyes glowed as they reflected the screen.

Her eyes… they were often compared to a barn owl's, with a pupil that almost filled up all the blue in her wide eyes, with only a small rim of cerulean around it. Mostly they were just glossy, like stones pulled from a river…

Feeling her eyes sting, she curiously poked at them with a finger. When she drew back, salty wetness covered the limb, and she stared at it with an expression of faint mirth. Crying? What reason in the world would she have to cry? Letting out a hollow chuckle, she shifted slightly, with her muddled thoughts finally surfacing to one realization: "It's cold…"

Letting out a wide yawn, she ran her tongue across her teeth, marveling in the strangeness of them. Some were pointed, yet dull on the outside, and Rin had no idea why. "Do I need a reason?" she asked her favorite stuffed animal quietly, but the calico cat merely kept staring with its glossy gold orbs.

_I'm back, did you miss me? _A voice in her head sang, and Rin groaned, clapping her hands to her ears. In front of her sat a misty violet cat, with wings like a devil's, dark at the midnight sky. She wasn't really sure whether this cat was real or not; but it made a good vessel for the voice that haunted her.

"Akuneko," she acknowledged, dipping her head in wary respect to the godly being. Short blond locks covered her eyes, and Rin found that she quite enjoyed the veil. Well, it might as well should be, with the amount of power it had over her mind.

_You know, we discussed this, _the cat grumbled, narrowing crimson eyes at the girl in front. _You are right next to a freaking window, so do what you really have always wanted to do; smash it, leap out and fly! And you might as well use those glass shards too._ A sly smile grew on the cat's face as he appeared to read the terrified girl's mind, and he fluttered his wings in sadistic joy.

_Ah, you poor little coward, _Akuneko teased, leaning forward until his fur brushed across Rin's face. _You want to see your blood, but you are afraid of pain? Always looking for the easy way out, ne? _Seeing the girl tremble and clutch her chest, the feline gave her one last laugh before vanishing into thin air, nothing remaining in his wake.

"N-Not a coward, not a coward… I'll sing! _Y-Yamete yaruyo utaite nanka_~" Rin attempted to calm herself, but only succeeded in bringing more tears to line the smooth black of her eyes. Her voice cracked, and she buried her face into the calico cat stuffie beside her, breathing in its familiar, odd scent of bread soaked in olive oil, as if from a restaurant. "You believe me, right, Calico? I'm not a coward, and Aku-kun's not a hallucination," she purred to the fake cat in front of her.

Sighing, she realized that she wasn't ever going to go to sleep like that, and slowly crept to her computer. Cursing under her breath, she realized that none of her friends would be on. For **KamiRisu** and **KuroTenshi**, it was already about 6 AM, and they'd most likely be waking up soon… how sad, to have such close friends live so far away.

Giving the world a depressed sigh, she curled up in the rotating armchair she owned, trying to ignore its completely deteriorating state. Her mother had offered to get her a new chair, but… Rin, being Rin, was very attached to inanimate objects. Like the chair for example, or the small gray sofa she outgrew when she was seven.

She loved all her possessions… they were hers, after all… and it wasn't her fault that she was territorial. And aggressive. And antisocial. …Geez, she had a heckload of flaws…

But they all made her, so did it matter? But fitting in was important, and she had her façade for that… ha.

Be yourself, they said.

As long as you be yourself, everything will be fine, they said.

Ah, how amusing, the lies of such annoying beings… The more she "was herself" the more her mom bothered her with meaningless questions like "are you okay", and phrases like that. Ah, curse her aggressive tendencies… if she was in the mood to fight, why could she not fight?

They kept telling her, "We don't want to hurt you."

Hurt her? Hurt _her_? A territorial tiger on a rampage from a split second of adrenaline? Oh, she doubted she would be hurt. And their pathetic rebuking! If her mother had just pushed her back until she hit the wall, did she not have the permission to fight back and satisfy her sadistic urges? How annoying…

Rin strolled around the internet world a little more before shutting off her computer and leaping into her bed, teeth bared in a silent snarl. She was cat-like, and she loved it… she had trained for many years, almost six she believed, to fight on four paws. And slowly, she had changed the style to rearing occasionally, and then to just standing and battling.

She was a Warrior, and nothing could stop her!

And she loved it, the feeling of unrestraining fury that geared her on, making her every bit as dangerous as a snake. Slipping around her victims silently, she slashed at them with jagged claws when they had moments of weakness, and barely let them recover before striking again.

Fighting was perfect, letting go of so much extra negative energy like that.

Oh, how she wished she could do it more…

…She yearned for those days…

The ones where you could tackle someone to the floor and pin them without it being seen as… awkward.


	5. Chapter 5

Rin lay on the gray sheets of her bed, staring blankly at the floor as she heard her little sister screaming outside. _I hate you… _she thought, her face void of emotion. _I feel no affection for any of you, even though you are my kin. _After hearing her sister let out one scream of anger, she rolled over, eyes beginning to sparkle with annoyance. Swearing inside her head, she began monotonously chanting. "I hate you… hate you… I hate you…" she whispered, her hair flying into her face and brushing her cheeks. Grabbing it, she drew it closer; the cool strands usually helped her calm.

Sitting up, she breathed in, feeling the stuffy air fill her lungs. She was breathing now, but just remembering the mile run today, in Physical Education… well, what she could remember of it. She just knew she couldn't breathe, gasping as oxygen ran through her dry throat. She hated running, though she did need it.

She turned to her right, closing her eyes. Lack of sleep would only further annoy her at this point.

Rin leaned back against her pillow, groggy and confused at the random thoughts filling her mind. Really, she didn't get the awkward mood bounces she had… though she was glad that Akuneko and his annoying voice were temporarily gone, her newfound restlessness, her haphazard topics of thought, and the clinginess she felt toward Miku.

Miku had been quite a support for her in daily life, she had to admit, but the girl also made Rin feel more unstable at the same time… Feelings were so confusing. It would be much simpler if humans were like the emotionless Kyuubey from an anime she watched recently. If emotions were a mental disorder in Kyuubey's world, then Rin supposed she would fit right in. Sometimes.

Those times when she actually felt emotion annoyed her, yet soothed her. That was part of her constantly conflicting personalities, she supposed. Feeling angry, yet with an almost murderous joy, setting up a barrier against others while she took it down… It was a never ending cycle of bricks being placed and being smashed, and Rin knew it was taking a toll on her health. Of course, the fact that she stayed extremely late, to the early morning almost every day, didn't exactly help her. But she had to deal with it. She was a Night Owl.

Letting her mind fly free, she let it decide what to think about. The first thing that came up; how pages would be stained if chicken noodle soup was spilled on them. Snarling at her mind's useless monologue, she closed her eyes and tried to block the chatter out from her thoughts, biting her tongue as she tried to distract herself. Somehow, she felt that this was not going to be an easy day…

Staring blankly at the glowing white screen in front of her, she let out a sigh, jerking suddenly as a blast of cold swept through her body. Shuddering after the shock passed, she groaned quietly and put her head in her hands. What was she going to do with herself?

She'd had her first meeting to talk to someone today. It was just awkward, and only served to make her feel like she was letting someone down; after all, if the psychiatrist you talked to was an old family friend, and you pretty much grew up in her office, who wouldn't feel bad somehow?

It was a huge mistake, letting her mom know about all this. Sure, she had been more snappy and weak lately, but was it really that obvious? Her mother had seen that she was stressed, and made her talk to that person, and somewhere deep in her numb heart Rin didn't blame her. To have to pick your child up from a social gathering because you heard her desperate call for help on your cell phone, to see that she is completely broken and crying from the stress of being in such a loud environment. But it was her mom's fault in the first place, since Rin would never go to an awful and loud place like that willingly.

Opening her mouth and breathing in a shuddering gasp of air, she clicked on a few links and began to read, seemingly bored and monotone eyes soaking up the information like a sponge to water. What was she reading up on? Only the topic of which she might be able to finally figure out her issues.

Apparently, she had had anxiety for a very long time now; that was the reason her house was wired with an alarm in the first place. Reading the symptoms, she nodded quietly and checked them off in her head.

Hard to breathe? Check. Repeated flashbacks of traumas? Check… though a few weren't exactly traumatic. At least, they wouldn't be if she had gone through them at her current age. Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts? Oh, definitely. If not, how could she have written a five-page essay on her obsessions in life for her English class?

She skipped through a few, annoyed at her almost forced narration, and sighed. Well, if this didn't fit her, she didn't know what did. Okay, so now she had another thing to sum herself up with. That made her the "Obsessively Anxious Kuudere cat-ninja." Ah, what a lovely title.

Snorting at her faint attempt at humor, she closed the browser and frowned at herself. This was just pathetic. Why was she trying so hard to find out what issues she had? Why did she even care? Flopping down on her bed, she tried to block out the onslaught of bad thoughts with the softness of her pink blanket. That was also pathetic… at least the other side of it was orange.

Picking up a thick book she had just bought, she flipped to the page she was on, 507. She had begun reading yesterday, and, as her mom described it, "began to absorb the book, consume it." It was pretty good. Mostly she was just reading it for the heck of reading. That fantasy world she got into when reading was perfect~

No one bothered her, she just sat and read… for hours on end, just reading. It was an almost perfect existence.

Then, it ended, and she sat up-

Only to return to her personal world of darkness.

And back to the gray sheets.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Italics in this chapter will be flashbacks. All thoughts here are dedicated to the past, and all opinion will be either verbal or set in the text. Oh, huge thanks to StarryEyedRin for that extremely kind review and an idea for this chapter! I really appreciate it~!**

Rin's stomach growled at her as she lay face down on her bed, but she could've cared less. She was in what she called "Hibernation Mode," or laying for hours like a pancake without moving. Plenty of thinking, but her movement was minimal. Sighing quietly, she closed her eyes in thought. What made her this confused and emotionally unstable being in the first place? Her life would seem perfect to those facing financial and family troubles, yet her mind suffered for no visible reason, even to herself… She was quite an interesting specimen. She granted herself that.

Thinking back to times that could've caused her pain, she nodded almost invisibly. She had created a barrier thick enough to block out most emotions, but back when she was an innocent (but still slightly mistrusting) child?

"_Hey, guess what, everyone?" the 2__nd__ grade class joker, Gumiya, exclaimed loudly as the class gathered around the door, waiting for dismissal. "Mikuo's engaged! Mikuo's engaged!" he yelled teasingly, and the class stiffened in response to the sudden exclamation. (Though how he even knew that word, Rin had no idea.)_

_Rin snarled like a cat, her shoulders hunched as she uselessly tried to scramble into a cubby. Mikuo simply stood and stared with wide teal eyes, betrayal and hurt shining brightly and clearly in their depths. Though of course he wasn't actually, "engaged," as Gumiya had put it, it obviously exposed the fact that Rin and Mikuo liked each other. A lot, for 2__nd__ graders. _

"…_Gumiya Megpoid," Meiko, their teacher said with a stern voice as she glanced at the two stricken children. "Stay here after school. We need to talk." By this time the information had set in, and the students began to whisper among each other, glancing quickly at the cowering two. Mikuo and Rin exchanged anguished glances before Rin tore out of the classroom, tears dripping from her foggy blue eyes like dew after a storm. And her trust in everyone around her was now completely and utterly gone. Forever. _

Rin let out a wavering cry and squeezed her eyes shut even more, quiet drops slowly making a shining trail down her face. That memory was the one that had scarred her first, she knew. She began to rely even more on Mikuo to be her support, though, which at the time seemed perfectly fine. But nothing lasts forever.

"_Rin…" Mikuo mumbled, looking up from his lunch with unreadable eyes. Rin looked up at him, chewing her sandwich quietly from where she sat in the middle of the 5__th__ grade classroom. _

"_Unya?" she mumbled around her sandwich, eyes sparkling curiously. What would he say? And why did he look… unhappy?_

"_I'm going to move across the world at the end of the year… I won't be going into 6__th__ grade with you," he whispered, turquoise eyes unreadable as he averted his stare. _

"_W-Why?" Rin whimpered, voice cracking. Trembling, she stared with wide, owl-like eyes at her friend. He was joking, right?_

"_My family decided it," he replied quietly. "So… let's try to spend as much time as we can together, these last two weeks."_

"_Y-Yeah…" Rin said almost silently, her heart dropping like a stone. Now what? _

And her suffering began. Though not very noticeably, even to her. She sulked for a while, occasionally wept at night, but for the most part she was stable. She had become more antisocial after Mikuo had left, but no one could tell she was dying inside. Slowly, but surely.

And her pathetic mental state now proved it. She was really deteriorating, every panic attack and nervous almost-breakdown making her less and less stable. She only hoped the psychologist her mom had found a few days ago could try and help. Since she didn't know them and hadn't connected with them, granting them her trust, it could be a light and detached conversation full of only truth. And no embarrassment.

Sighing, she thought back miserably to a few weeks back. She didn't remember hurting Miku, she really didn't. But that almost invisible pain in her eyes… Rin hated it. And she hated herself, for longer than that, but even more after she heard.

"_Hey, Miku!" Rin called, racing after her friend, who was turning around the corner. The girl swerved to face Rin, and tilted her head. "I haven't hurt you at any time, have I?" Rin asked with an earnest smile. _

_Slightly narrowing her teal eyes, Miku whispered, "Yes, you have," and walked away, leaving a cracked Rin trembling with wide eyes behind her. _

Rin hugged her knees, her cerulean eyes a dull, desolate piece of their usual appearance. Had she really hurt Miku so badly that she was still suffering now? …She really wasn't anything good for this world. All she did was cause trouble for others, and burden Miku, right? Tears began to fill her eyes, one bold drop leaving a shining trail down her pale cheeks.

"I wonder if Miku would be happier if I was gone," she whispered to herself harshly, raking ragged nails over her skin. "After all, then the closest one to her wouldn't hurt her. Sure, I'm sure she's miss me for a day, but she has so many other friends. She wouldn't care." Eyes foggy, she fell back onto the blankets, eyes shining with a watery mess. Seeing the tears slide onto the comforter, she giggled quietly.

"Dear Rin, you're making quite a mess, aren't you? What a worthless being," she purred, lips pointed up and teeth glinting in a maniacal grin. "Really, it's better if you stay here, in this room, with only your mind for company. I don't mind."

_And neither do I, _Akuneko added, fangs poised as if to strike. _Don't I make the best company, Rin?_

And the girl could only nod.


End file.
